finally.. some decent pictures in my phone..

feelin' so tired.. swt dreams >",<

when being fat is a blessing...
is that enough to make you smile today? ^^*

haha, sometimes when you have alot of time, you start to ponder over alot of things.. Yesterday while i was lying on the roof on the dive boat cabin on my way back to M'sia..yup, i started to ling2 hun2 chu1 qiao4, ha, thought about alot of stuff. A penny of my thoughts...

• -Sometimes you get to meet some super-friendly, out-going people. I realise that there's 2 distinct groups. one makes obvious attempts to get to know you, sometimes he suceeds when he meets people of his kind who plays alongwith him, otherwise he makes acquaintances but never lasting friendships.The second kind are those you meet by chance, makes you feel really comfortable 'cos every aspect of him /her is so genuine, you feel like you've known him/her for quite some time.

• -Friends need personal spaces. One mistake which i tend to make in the past is to expect friends to be with me all the time, i always thought they were obliged to do so. Then i realised that friendships based solely on regular gatherings (which eventually becomes a means to kill time) are seldom stable.

• -Very often, "No time." and "Too tired." are just excuses.

• -Be yourself. That was the class motto when i was in Sec 2 and Ms Liew was trying to convince us that it was inappropriate and meaningless. Well isn't. These two words allows you to define who you are and fin that personal edge of yours. Sometimes people (like myself) try to be someone different, subconciously. When you dye your hair, speak in a certain different kind of way, ask yourself Is this really what you want ? Or are you trying to create a different kind of image to hide your old self? Accept yourself for you are. Before my dive trip, one of my friends told me to jus be myself. yup, i feel more comfortable with that=)

• -i start to believe that God is fair and everyone is born equal. Sometimes people born to be gorgeous looking are not as clever or quick-witted or street-smart as the others. Some people are born with a talent like, say music, but lacked the sociable aspect in his/her character. So guess to make the most out of life is to ... wel, exploit yourself. Make your flaws less obvious, work on your positive aspects. mm... say if you're good in nothing but music, work on it, force yourself to make that area work to your advantage. ... (ayo, so cliche) ha ya i know. But i always feel that people are not born to remember, they are born to forget. Sometimes we need to constantly remind ourselves.

• Being a marine biologist. Scuba divin'. Being a member of an acapella group. Forming a rock band. Rock climbing. Learning the culture and language of Korea. Wakeboarding. Do you have a dream? Okay, maybi something less ambitious. Is there something that you really want to do? All these seems meaningless if you don't take steps to achieve them. Everyone says that they don't wish to be regretful. But not many actually take steps to prevent themselves from being regretful.

• Sometimes, wearin' a mask to meet people might prove to be the right thing to do. Put it this way, you are just being tactful, right? Or you are jus trying to prevent yourself from being hurt. Sometimes it's inevitable. Human nature. No one's perfect.

Haha, hen3 wu2 liao2 right? paiseh la, sometime i just thinnk of all these nonsense. ^^*

Last day...

NTU Dive Trip:

Pulau Dayang (26/05/06 - 29/05/06)

(in Red Shorts- Dive Master, Stanley >_<) my dive buddy......

home swt home... (haha, still gt more photos comin' up^^*)

Dive 4: Rayner's Rock, 6.58am - 7.36 am
Dive 5: P. Lang , 9.12 am - 9.32 am
Dive 6: Crocrodile's Rock, 11.19 am - 11.59am

Three dives in the morning and yet everyone was craving for more, Though we had to rise-and-shine as early as five plus in the morning to prepare for the first dive. This time we saw the hawksbill turtle. Witnessed another attack of the trigger fish, the fish ripped of a small part of the skirt of the goggles and left the diver's forehead bleeding, forcing us to abondon the dive. John nose was bleeding at the end of the first two dives probably due to equalising problem under the great depth.

In the afternoon, we had a friendly game of ... beach volleyball- something that i would never imagine myself doing for thousand years ^^. But it turned out to be fun. Made a few acquaintances and we were playing for hours until the rain threatens to fall. haha, never did i expect that some of us weaker players were able to show a hint of team spirit and a couple of miraculously impressive shots.

Spent the entire night playing "shithead" with another group of people- Jasper, Dash, Huilin, Serine, Jill and another whom i can't recall his name.. ha, it's a really interesting game. For those who have never heard it before, it's like an advance version of heart attack that involves buddy-buddy system and secret signals between the two. It was probably best played in orientration camps for it kapt us playing all the way till midnight. The more hiong ones were probably drinking and smoking the entire night.

going down...

and down...

Took about 4 hrs to travel from NTU all the way to Port Mersing in M'sia at 11.30pm, where we embarked ona 5-hr boat ride to our destination. Under the starlit sky, i drifted in and out of sleep. The horizon only momentarily existed when the distant flashes of lightning splits the heaven which otherwise remains as an entity with the ocean. The hum of the boat engine was the melody, the clashing waves were the accompaniment. It feels like a whimsical journey trought the universe. It's hard to believe that i was living through my dream.

5.45am, P. Dayang.
After settling down we managed to catch a 3 hr sleep before our briefing for the first dive. The schedule apeared to be packed>.<.. I guess i should count myself lucky that i was in the same room as John, Han wei (his NJ friend) and Bruce (hw's course mate) who was here for the Advance open water dive. All fun-loving people, lame jokes was their forte and it's really comfortable hanging out with them.. Haha, they provide non-stop entertainment. This morning when we left our rooms we were stunned by the beauty of the place, the scenery, everything. The resort was kampong-style, breakfast was prepared in buffet style by the beach, the water was c.r.y.s.t.a.l clear, From the jetty, you can even see the schools of fishes beneath the surface. Had a total of three dives today! The most memorable one being the first which was part of the training package, requiring us to go through what was being taught during the pool session. It was the first time i plunge into the silent world, literally.The kind of feeling that gripped me was somewhat a mix between excitement and fear. Because under water, everything appears to be magnified. Upon descending, the reef appears to loom before your very eyes. I learnt that what keeps you alive underwater, is not the air in your gas tank, but rather, it's confidence and discipline. Releasing air from the BCD, constantly equalising the air spaces in the ears and mask, exhaling, right hand on the safety line... descending. The view for this site was not exactly breathtaking but the millions and millions, infinite no. of fishes swimming around was enough for you to go wow..

Made a dive at 2.30pm at P. Lang and another at 5.43 at Dayang's Tip. Experienced the thermocline which was an interface between the cold and warm waters., so sometimes you find your upper body in the warm waters while your legs are freezing.. Did abit of exploring. I would describe the coral reef as an enchanted garden, but one in shades of blue , green and grey. The natural vivid colours that you see in National Geog. is only possible with the help of artifical lighting to brighten up the area. Saw all sorts of star fishes, sea cucumbers, sea anaemones (dunno how you spell tt), big lohan-like fishes half the length of my body, more fishes. Oh, we caught a glimpse of the trigger fish well known to be territorial and nasty to keep divers off their nesting ground. They attack and bite. One of our intructors became an unfortunate victim.

Chalsea, Jamie, Priscilla, HanWei, John

Me, Henry, Ian ^-^*

gone sashimi-hunting...

If you are born to be blind,
Would you probe into the dark for that ray of light that you might never find?

If you are born to be autistic,
Would you push yourself harder than the rest just to master the basics?

If you are born to be gay,
Would you stand out and let the world see you in a different way?

If you are born to be deaf,
Would you bother to learn about bass and treble clefs?

If you are born to be ugly,
Would you give a chance for the world to discover your inner beauty?

If you are born to be perfect,
Would you dare to learn how the lack of flaws can be a defect?

If your fate is sealed,
Would you defy it?

Or simply resign yourself to it?

They don't deserve it! I was so disappointed that the hippies emerged as the winner for the 9th season of The Amazing Race. Unlike the previous season, this one caught my attention when the teams started playing dirty, some even resort to using underhand methods to sabotage the rest and achieve their goals. Ha, but who am i kidding, that's what makes it all interesting. Once the frat boys secretly called the cab company to cancel the cabs booked by the other teams, and fingers were pointed not to them but to another unfortunated pair. There was another occasion where rumors are created in attempt to worsen a relationship between a dating couple.

I even recorded the two hour special that wraps up the whole thing, featuring the remaining three teams running the final two legs of the race. I never liked the BJ and Taylor. Optimism is the only thing respectable of them, nothing more. In the entire race they arrived last at the pit stop twice but were so damn lucky to escape from elimination. Attempting to mislead the rest, always followin the others when they couldn't find their way. They were not playing it fair. When the receptionist at one of a hotel the Tokyo helped the hippies lie to the frat boys that there was no internet service, i was like, What the...? They count themselves lucky that one of them was well verse in Japanese. At least i would support the frat boys more even though they don't believe in fair game either, cos i thought they are more.. true, in the sense that they wouldn't hide their hatred for our teams. They hate someone, they say it. They are unhappy with someone, they confront him. They are not hypocritical. Ray and yolanda were the most deserving pair., being the goody-goody guys but somehow they were lagging behind throughout the race and didn't appear as competitive as the other two.

mm.. im not really really a huge fan of all reality tv shows. Only interested to some of them. Another one that i follow is The Scholar. At least it's a healthy competition and it's more meaningful, youths from all differents countries come together to fight from the scholarship and a place in university of their dreams. That's where you start to pick out the wayang kings, like those in the first three months in army, from those who truely have the potential to become a leader.

the day before, i was prepared to write a good entry for today, saying how much fun i had, how i enjoyed the scuba pool session today and all that shit. But i can't.

Tell me what's the right thing to do?

So i was late. I said i was sorry, what more do you want? I was "punished" with all the extra laps i have to swim, treaded water longer than the rest. So i implicated you and your friend. im sorry ok?

And they said scuba diving was fun. i can tell you it's not at all easy. At least for me. You get scolded for almost everything. Your instructor can hit your mask with his fist and wack her head and there's nothing you can do. And you're expected to do it over and over until you get it right. You feel like you're in the army. The equipment was freakin' heavy. When i first enter the water with everything on, i was already drowned in fear. Then i was scolded for not ensuring that the valve on my buddy's gas tank was open. He didn't checked mine properly either. Then there's alot of other stuff that i was scolded for. Though i know i wasn't the only one but i was really depressed.

Then i realise i wasn't used to using the snorkel, stuffing the mouthpiece in my mouth made me wanna puke. Then im not sure if it was my mask or the snorkel tube that's flooding , i started choking and coughing. Breathing underwater is not as easy as it sounds. the suit is so tight, slow and deep breath is really hard to achieve. Then you have to pay particular attention to how you regulate your breath, because when you draw in air, you're supposed to float and you exhale to sink, such that you achieve some sort of balance that allows you to swim at a certain level. But the thing is , you alwasy find yourself floating and drifting away. In the open sea, anything can happen. If you ascend uncontrollably all the way to the surface, the nitrogen dissolved in your blood will start to escape from your blood forming air bubbles in your blood vessels. The air in your lungs will expand tremendously cos of the deceasing surrounding pressure resulting in fatal consequences.

I hate to admit it but im really afraid. A part of me questions me if i should have heed my parent's advice and avoid anything that is risky. And the part of me that craves for adventure and talks big about pursuing what i want is no where to be found today.

What is the right thing to do?

Today, im physically exhausted and mentally drained. Six freakin' hours of swimming. Morning till afternoon. No Breaks. No rest. No lunch. I ask myself, What for? But to be pissed, to be angry, is tiring. No strength for that.

I met one of the my dive-mates at jp today. Didn't even know his name. but to simply walk away isn't the right thing to do right? So i presume it only right to greet him, but the brief greeting feels totally awkward and fake. Like the whole friendly character i was trying to portray the entire day in front of a group of strangers. Fake .

But what is the right thing to do?

"For a moment, he thought he heard a woman's voice... the wisdom of the ages... whispering up from the chasms of the earth."

That was how Dan Brown ended the story. But somehow i didn't exactly get the same feeling when i watched the movie. Guess i let my overwhelming anticipation got the better of me, i suppose it's the same for many who read the book.

But i still like movie. To be more specific, i love the story itself more than the movie, hence the slight disappointment. Nevertheless i thought it was not-to-be-missed. Maybe my expectation wasn't high. Critics gave it a bad review together with a two-star rating. Many people complained that it wasn't quite the same as that written in the book, though i don't really remember much from the storybook. However, to my opinion, the director failed to bring out the feeling evoked while reading it.

Anyway i love the complexity of the story plot. How one clue leads to another, how one event implicates the next, like the delicate mechanisms in the cryptex that holds the clue to the holy grail's location. End of it all, everything falls into place, fits together perfectly like jigsaw pieces. Differs from other trillers in the sense that it revolves around the sensitive topic of religion. He merged facts with fiction, involving churches, museums and religious groups that actually exist. It makes it all so convincing. Oh well, at least that's enough to impress a simple-minded person like me.

Loved how he wrapped up the whole thing sayin something like, even if this whole Christianity thingy was a huge cover-up (no offence), the faith involved is still genuine.

The Last Supper?

Heard from a reliable source saying that the outcome of my ninja case is a five-hundred-dollar fine. Just paid the balance for the scuba course this morning amounting to four hundred and twenty. The amount of money spent on my driving lessions is hitting the three thousand mark really soon. Jus spent twenty five a few weeks back in order renewed my PDL for the second time. Now they say my membership is expiring soon and i have to pay to renew it yet again.

F**k. F**k . F**K ! Why is everything so screwed up ?!

Boring. Boring but still okay.

The previous night i was still mugging all the way till 1am to the extent that i felt so frustrated knowing that there's no way i could complete all the exercises to the handed up the following day. I felt like tearing the book into shreds. Turned up for class today just to find majority didn't finish the exercises either. Most of them were busy copyin one another's work.

The entire day was just lots of video-viewing and revision for the stuff that we needed to know for the dive. How you plan for the dive, how you operate the BCD, how you assemble all the equipment, hazards to look out for, how to ascent or descent, ways to cope with the pressure build-up, complicated calculatings when planning for multiple dives. There's a few in-house quizzes along the way and it's a requirement to pass all of them in order to be certified. And because it's a must to pass, the instructor wrote the words, " NO DISCUSSIONS ALOUD!" and made it a point to step out of the lec theatre whenever we take the quizzes, allowing desperate attempts to take a peek at our neighbours' answer sheets.

mm..to say that everything went well today, i'd be lying, for the entire day i was bogged down by a question i was dying to ask. Why did he ask me to join him when he already has a close buddy who's taking the same course as him? And for the pool session i probably have to pair up with a stranger.

i don't know. Probably that's not the main thing that i find disturbing. Maybe it's that distant feeling. Sometimes you feel like an extra. Sometimes you feel so out of place. Sometimes you feel like you shouldn't even be there. 很寂寞的感觉.

ah f**k.

~~~

there's always a right song for the right moment

right now

any song that is able to make my eyes watery

would be right

陪我走走， 散散心，好吗?

True Colours by Phill Collins

You with the sad eyes

Don't be discouraged

Oh I realize

It's hard to take courage

In a world full of people

You can lose sight of it all

And the darkness, inside you

Can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors

Shining through

I see your true colors

And that's why I love you

So don't be afraid to let them show

Your true colors

True colors are beautiful,

Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then,

Don't be unhappy, can't remember

When I last saw you laughing

If this world makes you crazy

And you've taken all you can bear

You call me up

Because you know

I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors

Shining through

I see your true colors

And that's why I love you

So don't be afraid to let them show

Your true colors

True colors are beautiful,

Like a rainbow

最大的距离
不是两个人 分隔两地
而是两个人行走时 没话说

最美丽的爱情
不是能与另一个人 白头到老
而是失去 或得不到的那种

最寂寞的时候
不是在你孤单的当儿 独自一个人
而是在人群中 格格不入

dimension: 680 x 540 x 55

weight: 45 gm

weight (fully loaded) : 260 gm (approx)

Traditional kite flying's outdated. The IN thing now is remote-controlled kites. It's kind of a cross between Remote Control model planes and our traditional layangs. Mounted with an engine, propellers, some delicate mechanisms that moves the fins and neon-coloued LEDs and optical fibres to make it a viewing pleasure at night, it's capable of loops, nose- dives ( not very sure of the technical term for it), hovering in mid air and all kinds other stunts "A third generation flying phenomenon that would forever revolutionalise traditional kite-flying." Ha, sounds pretty cool huh.. But this baby costs my bro seven hundred dollars.

Of course my parents thought it wasn't worth the money but powerless to change the mind of a determined adult who has the right to make his own decision. mm.. In my opinion, it's definitely not a cheap hobby.. but if money is spent on something that you really want, you've given much consideration and not doing so on impulse, then that money is never wasted.

There's even a club set up for it. They provide coachs to train students in certain Sec schools, they allow members to try out the simulator, they provide training sessions at a grass patch at Clarke Quey. Members can work their way up to become Silver or Gold Flyers , if im not wrong, whereby they get to purchase more sophisticated models or upgrade their current ones. It's interesting in the sense that it's more than just a play thing, they made it in to serious business and you get to learn alot. Like for every different kites, even if of the same model, there are different configurations, and the remote control itself is able to cater to four of such configurations that can be pre-set into the system. And before one enters the field, he has to make sure no one on the field has the same frequency set otherwise the kites would go haywire. (ha, anyway the second pix was from the website >.<)

Tonight we made a trip to their training ground to witness the spectacular colurful displays, not that by my bro's, sad to say, cos he havent' really got the hang of it yet. Ha, the light on his doeesn't glide in a straight line, it kind of quivers.. that shaky feeling was kind of made really obvious in the night sky. Every time it crashes it's oww... ouch. But he has there with his gf for the entire afternoon, 佩服 for his determination and passion forhis new-found hobby. Hai, too bad my cam phone couldn't capture sharp enough photos.

Leaning against that pillar of the usual bus stop..
Drowning in music about love, freedom and sorrow..
Shutting myself from the world..
Removing my mask to reveal a tired soul..
Breathing the night's warm breath..
Falling into its embrace..
Watching the hypnotic headlights of the passing vehicles..
Letting it invade and conquer my mind..
Allowing my thoughts to be lost in the wind..
Surrendering to the night..

It's been a long day. Met up with some of my army mates for dinner after work and driving. It's tiring to hate a person. Today, there is no hatred. If there was, it simply died off with time. "Forgive and forget.", any big-hearted person might say about confronting conflicts. To me, it's, "Simply forget. And forgiveness is no longer necessary."

Struck one thing off my list of the things that i wanted to do when i registered for the open water diving programme with John today. It was a last minute decision when he called me yesterday afternoon to informing me that the dateline for registration was today. Well it sure was , we were the last two to join the class of twenty-five and we happen to be the two second youngest in the class. Oh well, i always thought it's better than being the oldest.

Filled up a couple of forms today, all terms and conditions that could just be summaried in one sentence: We Will Not Be Responsible For Anything. Though they mentioned alot of worst case scenarios like being attacked by marine creatures; injuries due to heart attack, hypertension, anxiety etc ;concussion; accidents due to faulty equipment which we were supposed to inspect ourselves prior to the dive since they are not supposed to be held responsible for anything. I had second thoughts seriously. We filled in so many blanks and signed so many signatures not entirely understanding what each section was about. mm we even tried to forge our "guardian's " signature.. lolx. but regretted doing so since the coach appeared to be really hostile towards us. mm at least that's the first impression he gave us the moment he threw us the required forms to fill up without giving much explanation. Kind of had this aura that makes you feel uneasy like being around a high-ranked personnel in camp.

Afterwhich we went to try on the wet suits to find our which size was suited for us. Not sure if it's just me but it really annoyed me evry time he comments that our body size was small, and our feet and biceps are small and stuff. Hey we're guys who just orded and naturally vain, stop making us feel anymore inferior. >_< # Anyway the wet suits are so tight fitting that i find it hard to breathe. Then he said that one doesn't have to be a good swimmer to be a great diver, but he has to be fit, 'cos Mother Nature is unpredictable and the weather can turn really nasty. Gee.. i suppose i can manage to be a better swimmer than i am fit. Seriously i don't think i can brave through storms. That followed by flippers, vest, belt.. It was exciting though. Aw the anticipation's killing me! but unfortunatedly i had to hide this excitement and keep it in low profile since my family wasn't that supportive of my decision. I don't blame them, especially my parents. I know they'd risk being hated by me and rather be the bad guys as long as they could protect me from harm. I'd have done the same if i were them. But i can't remember the last time i wanted something so badly. So pa , ma, forgive me for being wilful once again.

Oh ya, there was home work anyway. One big book. All the exercises at the end of each chapter to be complete before the first lesson.

Told you he wasn't friendly o_Q*

A piece of my memory..

My Seoul City ^^*

Some cute stuff i recieved from a friend.. thought of sharing with you guys.. Live Strong^^*

wa biang... OT ah?! i go home first can or nt??? >.<*

Went for a swim with Khoonz this afternoon.. mm.. not so much of wanting to get some exercise or whatsoever but rather.. asked him out 'cos i feel like talking to someone im comfortable with.. Had a good swim.. ha, two laps in an hour.. afterwhich we met up with kl after her last paper.. grabbed a bite at Munchie Monkey before heading for holland village for a short walk and my first meal at Subway.. Normally i'd feel tired at the end of the day but today, for some reason, i feel, mm, relaxed.. ha dunno what im talking about..

~~~

everyone is like a glass of water.

me too.

started off murky.

but every decision i make,

every moment i live,

and every conversation i make

is a filtration process

called self-discovery.

i wouldn't spill it.

or pour it away.

-

i've got to see it become clear one day.

当你喝腻了咖啡或可乐，

最终还是会选回自己的那杯开水。

it's almost 1 am in the morning.. hm... really don't feel lik talking much.. had a long day today.. Shanghai cuisine for lunch today with family before heading east coast to roller blade with fro and kelv.. Heaven held back tears for our hour-long "training" session within the Beginner's Corner premises.. 'cos we planned to have a game of bowling after that so we wore jeans.. Bad idea... Wearing a sweat-drenched pair of jeans throughout in a humid day is a no-no.. Had a game of bowling after that... no spare.. all open.. fine game.. gee.. really gotta get some rest now =)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

今晚又走过English Rose Cafe...

与往常一样停下了脚步...

不知道心里在想什么...

缘分可以很玄妙...

但也可以是毫无意义的巧合..