26.8.06
took a short walk in nus after the CMAD, i was wondering perhaps i'd never get to do this at all in my four years here if the buses weren't packed tonight. During that brief stroll, time was non-existent, i forgot about school work, i didn't care if i missed another one, i didn't care if i got home late. Fortunately for those who walked passed me, none of whom i knew. That familiar lethargic feeling took over me once again, and i didn't want anyone to see me in this state, didn't feel like talking to anyone either.im sick of telling people that im tired. i guess i just miss some people, whose presence might dissipate the feeling of emptiness within.
23.8.06
Right now im in a room full of people who are either scribbling on their notes or scanning through countless rows of text in their thick books or ferociously punching the keys of their laptops.Everyone is doing something, so eager to move on. The whole study room is like a machine running silently in full gear less me being the only cog not working. I can't help but to feel the stress, that even taking abit of time to pen down my thought is a waste of time and is wrong. Just being in this room can be really exhausting. Only me, stagnant.
i gotta get out of here...
i gotta get out of here...
20.8.06
19.8.06
Woke up this morning feeling like shit, but still i had to drag myself to sch for the skating workshop and taekwondo tea session because of a promise i made to each of my two friends that i'd be there.
The blading session was fun, free and easy, and lots of friendly people. I noticed that there are two distinct groups among the freshies- the act-cool ones and the nerdy-trying-to-be-hip ones... but they are all very nice people nevertheless. Learnt a few simple stunts - the A-frame, scissors and parallel turning... haha, sounds like driving. Guess most of the people, including me, were there for the same reason, that's to have fun with minimal commitment.
The taekwondo practice, woah, was tiring. Their basics were enough to kill me. Jumping, sprinting, twisting, tuck-jumps, shouting, punching, kicking.. oh ya, for some reason, this club was like some sort of a gathering place for all the china people. 90% ...no, 95% were PRCs. i was the only one in my group of twelve people who isn;t from China. Anyway i'd probably not take up this cca since it clashes with my band sectionals. Though they said that they can make arrangements for those who could only make for one of the two trainings and so much that in wanted to try something new, i guess i don't want a cca that puts a strain on my uni life. *sweat-drenched*
gotta go for qj's concert le ^^*..
The blading session was fun, free and easy, and lots of friendly people. I noticed that there are two distinct groups among the freshies- the act-cool ones and the nerdy-trying-to-be-hip ones... but they are all very nice people nevertheless. Learnt a few simple stunts - the A-frame, scissors and parallel turning... haha, sounds like driving. Guess most of the people, including me, were there for the same reason, that's to have fun with minimal commitment.
The taekwondo practice, woah, was tiring. Their basics were enough to kill me. Jumping, sprinting, twisting, tuck-jumps, shouting, punching, kicking.. oh ya, for some reason, this club was like some sort of a gathering place for all the china people. 90% ...no, 95% were PRCs. i was the only one in my group of twelve people who isn;t from China. Anyway i'd probably not take up this cca since it clashes with my band sectionals. Though they said that they can make arrangements for those who could only make for one of the two trainings and so much that in wanted to try something new, i guess i don't want a cca that puts a strain on my uni life. *sweat-drenched*
gotta go for qj's concert le ^^*..
18.8.06
Take a walk with me through O week, once again... ^^*
Cute mascot huh^^*... haha no doubt it's digglet from the Pokemon series. Well, we are from the Earth hse, what other character is more suitable for this role?
Mass dance. A must-do in all camps ba. My partner, also from NJ. canoeing xia >_<*
lame games.
yup that's junhao. 
crazy people... haha, our GCs.
Yupz, our group is called Gaia (pronounced as Gay-yer), hence the occassionally homosexual phenomenon.
Another one. Junlin, my OGL.
Cute mascot huh^^*... haha no doubt it's digglet from the Pokemon series. Well, we are from the Earth hse, what other character is more suitable for this role?
Mass dance. A must-do in all camps ba. My partner, also from NJ. canoeing xia >_<*
lame games.
yup that's junhao. ha, in this short wk, we talked more that we did in our 2 yrs together in css.
crazy people... haha, our GCs.
Yupz, our group is called Gaia (pronounced as Gay-yer), hence the occassionally homosexual phenomenon.
Another one. Junlin, my OGL.
12.8.06
And one of my friends said that the fireworks displays are the same for every year..
the beginning.
the finale. overwhelming.
the beginning.
the finale. overwhelming.
9.8.06
4.8.06
my favourite three.
What the hell....3 hrs before the open bidding round closes, they dropped one of the pre-allocated modules in front of my very eyes, leaving me with only three. I totally freaked out when i thought it was a result of my carelessness. Learnt from fro that it's impossible to drop an allocated module. Called the hotline to learn that it was the system that made the changes, but she couldn't tell me the reason. The line to the BioE Department was engaged all the time. No updates, no announcements on the websites, no emails to inform me. Nothing. The only two other people whom i knew were taking the course with me were equally clueless. Last night they sent us via email a timetable with all five modules taken into account. Didn't know any seniors from BioE so i resorted to seeking help from a triple-E senior to inquire about the missing modules which i couldn't bid for in this particular round, but she couldn't help much either.
Then minutes ago, a new module pops up under the list of "Allocated modules", then another.
All the trouble for nothing... Seriously i don't know if i should feel relieved, or happy or frustrated... Anyway for those who helped me, thanks alot. And sori for the trouble. Seriously.
Then minutes ago, a new module pops up under the list of "Allocated modules", then another.
All the trouble for nothing... Seriously i don't know if i should feel relieved, or happy or frustrated... Anyway for those who helped me, thanks alot. And sori for the trouble. Seriously.
3.8.06
Job Security.
What we have been working so hard for.. may just be an illusion. Daily routine, monthly paychecks and endless work. This 4-5 months of office work may just be the shortened version of my life after graduation.
Last day today.
~~~
Threw away alot of my stuff today to make way for my new desk, which is just a plain table without a single drawer (which was my idea actually. 'cos i wanted to keep it simple). Alot of stuff. Stuff with sentimental values. Pokemon trading cards, stacks of letters from my pen pal, photo frames, negatives, lollipops and candies from my "Mission Possible Angel", cards and soft toys from my beloved juniors, broken watches, contact lists, the broken pad lock which was cut through by my bmt sgt, all straight into the garbage bag. Together with them, my past, memories, stories associated with each item. It was a tough decision. For every thing i hold in my hand, i ask myself, "For the next five years or so, is this going to affect my life in any way, or will it remain as some trash in some corner of my room waiting to be discover during the next spring cleaning?" And i toss them away before some little voice in head protests. It took my nearly 3 hours. It's only now that i release how hard it was to let go. They are stuck onto you, somewhat bonded. It's always tough to make a clean break.
1.8.06
"Or you are the kind of person who has no guts, you just give up every time life pushes you. If you are that kind of person, you'll live all you life playing it safe, doing the right thing, saving yourself for some event that never happens. Then you die a boring old man. You'll have lots of friends who really like you because you were such a nice hard-working guy. You spend a life playing it safe, doing the right things . But the truth is, you let life push you into submission. Deep down you were terrified of taking risks. You really want to win, but the fear of losing was greater than the excitement of winning. Deep inside, you and only you will know that you didn't go for it. You chose to play it safe."
Those words struck a chord in me. Take a moment to digest. Maybe, like me, you feel abit swayed by what the author was trying to say.
At this age whereby hardworking is no longer a compliment, obedience is not a quality you should possess, there should be a pivotal change in the way i view certain values and plan the route that i'd be taking. Today i went for the Welcome session for Engineering students, went for the talk by the Dean's committee and learnt that the objectives, what the uni was preparing us for, was quite on a contrary to the gist of this book that im currently reading. The author warns us against going with the flow, that the school or College only equips students with skills needed for a desirable profession but not financial literacy that they needed to get themselves out of what they deemed as the "Rat Race".
These few days i felt rather lost and since the start of my first acedemic year is just round the corner, as days go by, i feel increasingly uneasy and even anxious, partly because im still rather unsure of the direction that im heading.I feel like im taking one big plunge into uni life blindly. no plans. no nothing. Mug when the need comes. I kind of dread it even before it starts. Uncertainty has taken its toll, making it harder than ever for me to make adjustments to my life. Jus another transition, reluctance is expected. i don't require more time, i was granted more than enough. i suppose i just need to think things through and get it right.
Those words struck a chord in me. Take a moment to digest. Maybe, like me, you feel abit swayed by what the author was trying to say.
At this age whereby hardworking is no longer a compliment, obedience is not a quality you should possess, there should be a pivotal change in the way i view certain values and plan the route that i'd be taking. Today i went for the Welcome session for Engineering students, went for the talk by the Dean's committee and learnt that the objectives, what the uni was preparing us for, was quite on a contrary to the gist of this book that im currently reading. The author warns us against going with the flow, that the school or College only equips students with skills needed for a desirable profession but not financial literacy that they needed to get themselves out of what they deemed as the "Rat Race".
These few days i felt rather lost and since the start of my first acedemic year is just round the corner, as days go by, i feel increasingly uneasy and even anxious, partly because im still rather unsure of the direction that im heading.I feel like im taking one big plunge into uni life blindly. no plans. no nothing. Mug when the need comes. I kind of dread it even before it starts. Uncertainty has taken its toll, making it harder than ever for me to make adjustments to my life. Jus another transition, reluctance is expected. i don't require more time, i was granted more than enough. i suppose i just need to think things through and get it right.
Deep inside, you and only you will know that you didn't go for it.
You chose to play it safe.
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