Suddenly there's so many things i wish to do.

1) Grab a bicycle and join a cycling club.
2) Get a taste of yoga or pilates.
3) Diving.
4) Perhaps learn to play a flute (unlikely)
5) Get a Chinchilla
6) Travel alone.

Yet another driver who had threatened to quit had throw my family into a frenzy. Ironically, i do love to see how these mini crisis bring our family together. But as I was enjoying a hilarious play at Raffles hotel, at the back of mind was my mum's sms to me saying that my sis--law was "very very angry feel like crying."

Several times i asked myself if i will reach a point in life where everyday i'd be preoccupied by worries that arises from family and from businesses, like my brother and sis-in-law. And how such worries are detrimental to the quality of life I wish to enjoy. Lately, I've been job-hunting. Again? yes, again. And I admit I'm not as aggressively competitive as i should be. I'm still hesitant about losing that freedom I'm enjoying, yet there is a weak desire telling me to get out of the "comfortable". Weak desire, what an oxymoron. I don't know how better to describe that occasional strong feeling that comes and goes.

I do appreciate naggy friends who gives me reality checks every now and then, because that's what friends are about. They don't just tell you what you wish to hear to give you a short term ego boost. They are like gravity that "nudges" you along and sets you in motion. Sadly, my life have been pretty stagnant lately.

One of the things which I included in my list of new year resolutions was: Meet a friend, once a week. And by "friend" i meant those who were silently drifting away from my life over the years.

In the course of growing up, I learnt a sad fact of life, that friends shouldn't be taken for granted for, because they wouldn't always be there for you. Just like how busy you are with your own life, they will be as busy and preoccupied with their worries, excitement, sorrows in their own lives. Every friendship needs nurturing, if not they will just wilt and die. The other time i came across this article which listed 50 things you shouldn't be doing to yourself. And one of them which left an impression was that you shouldn't waste time on people who doesn't care for you. Probably, that's the easy way out, and also the the right way to treat yourself better. At the age of 26, going 27, you'll realize you don't have the luxury to waste anymore time and you are already starting to have regrets. Your social circle is shrinking and your relationships with your close friends become very volatile.

when 2011 came to a closure, i realized that i had to fight for what i deem dear to me. You can see it as a desperate struggle. It is, in fact. I have this fear that i'll grow old as a lonely old man. And as i observe where my life was heading towards, I guess that wasn't an irrational worry. So with baby steps, i will try to meet up with old friends, with the hope of being able to be part of their lives. Im sure they have different stories to share. With that, i hope to find more meaning in life, and to once again, prove to myself that the world doesn't revolve around me. There are bounds to experience.

I met up with John this evening over a simple dinner. He happens to be only friend from Sec 2 Class 2B whom im still in contact with. Over the years, he has matured alot, from a class joker , to one who places family and religion on the top of his priority list. Recently, every meet up with him is a mini preaching session and there were lots of sharing of his knowledge on currency trading and other finance stuff which were totally foreign to me. Despite that i still enjoy spending time just hanging out.

With that, i really hope to set aside more time for close friends. A little goal i set for myself in the new year.

only distraction works...